


Drowning

by Trammel



Series: Out of the Wormhole [6]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Borderline Child Abuse, Gen, Howard Stark Hate Network, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, PTSD, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-04-01 09:59:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4015498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trammel/pseuds/Trammel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony doesn't know anymore who's pushing him into the water. All he knows is that he's drowning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drowning

You look down at the water. It's really deep. Dark blue, so dark you can't see where it ends. Where the bottom is. If there is one.

This is the big pool, not the kiddie pool; you've never even gone in here with Mama. She says she doesn't want to mess up her hair. Mama would blow up plastic arm bands, tightening them around your arms, even in the kiddie pool. But Mama's at home with a headache, and you're here with Daddy.

You're a little kid, so you still have some naïve childish ideas, like the one that your parents are actually there to look out for you. Take care of you. You haven't learned that he doesn't listen yet. Haven't learned that you have to keep _everything_ from him. Or he'll take it all away. Or use it against you.

"I don' wanna," you say to Daddy.

"Nonsense. I learned this way." He's reaching for you and you find yourself trying to back away, to go back to the kiddie pool.

"I don't wanna. It's too deep. I'm scared."

The anger flashes in his eyes then. "Don't embarrass me, Tony!" He picks you up by the waist and moves you dangerously close to the edge, to that endless water. "Starks don't get scared."

Daddy says that a lot, and you're starting to think that maybe you're not a Stark, because you are scared. You're scared a lot.

Usually of Daddy.

Then you don't have time to think anymore because he pushes you forward and lets you go.

And you're falling down into that cold, dark water, kicking and struggling. It floods into your mouth, your eyes, you can't see -

\- you can't see - can't see - the bag - the bag over your face -

The water is not blue; it's a dark brown, oily and stagnant and it fills your mouth and nose as they push you down into it. Your feeling is the same; there must be some mistake, you can't be a Stark because you are scared. You are so scared you're ready to do whatever they ask of you. So scared.

_I'm scared! I'm scared, Daddy!_

You dream of Howard, not really dreaming, because they don't let you sleep; that's another part of the torture. It's a hallucination if you're actually awake, _right_. Except every time you see him you keep thinking they've finally killed you and he's here to take you with him to hell.

And sometimes you think that you'd gladly go with him, because it would be better than this.

Always his voice.

_You're not scared. Starks don't get scared._

 

But of course you're scared, the water is everywhere and you don't know how to swim. You're sinking down into that cold, dark blue. Drowning.

The hands - his hands, he's pulling you up, out of the pool. And you're coughing and sputtering, crying, begging. He throws you to the concrete, not gently, literally like you're something to be scraped off his shoe. You're shivering and coughing up water.

And he just looks angry. Cold and angry.

Let's see him go through what they've put you through and remain so ever-fucking stoic. This is what you're thinking as you are huddled on the floor of the cave, dripping, cold, coughing up the dirty water, and frantically checking that you haven't come unhooked from your lifeline - the battery _\- I'm hooked up to a fucking car battery, Dad!_   _How about that?_

He'd probably find that hilarious.

You'd rather he be laughing than mad. You don't want him mad. So you look up at him, trying to push down your fear, ignore it.

"You have to take a breath and hold it. Let's try again," Daddy says.

And his hands are reaching for you again. His hands- the hands are back. Not his, no, the others. The bag is thrown over your head, despite your screaming, your struggling.

_No Daddy! No!_

And he drops you into the water again.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't plan these ones. They just happen to me and I have to get them out.


End file.
